There’s a War Going on…Under My Shirt
There’s a war going on between my breasts and my clothes–especially my shirts. I stepped in on behalf of my wardrobe, as General, but sadly I’ve been losing the battle since those little not so little bitches started budding at age nine (no amount of taping or squashing ever does the trick). By 13, they were full blown and last summer on one of my sporadic outings to the lingerie shop (one of only three places that carries my rare size), I discovered that the uncommon size–diagnosed in high school–that I initially thought was my rightful bra size turned out to be a different size; you guessed it–a higher and rarer letter. Thanks Mother Nature. Thanks Mom. *Side eye to genetics.
My frustration with large breasts (call them what you want–twins, tittays, sweater puppies, boobs, whatever) isn’t just in the fact that people stare at the wrong set of eyes (men and women) and make smart ass or lewd comments (depending on who it is) about what My Creator gave me, but with the fact that society seems to think that every woman with large boobs is an extremely large woman. My little back, which is a size 32, is no match for all the 40’s and up that seem to be available whenever bras for “bigger” girls are advertised (40I? For real though?). I won’t reveal the letter size of my boulder holders (but you’ve seen Tocarra and Esther Baxter right? Um, yeah…). My clothes are always (OK, not always but 98% of the time) distorted, especially button down shirts. I love button down shirts but guess what? I. Can’t. Wear. Them. In this breast-obsessed society, I can’t win! I once tried to buy a button down shirt in an XL (without my breasts that would have been a medium) but guess what happened? The shirt fit over my boobs but looked like a baggy upside down tent over the rest of my body. I went down a size and while the fit was slightly better, the girls still wanted to play peekaboo (You know that open button look? Not cute). Not being able to find small back–large bust friendly clothing amazes me considering all the Pam Andersons (and wannabes) out there.
But but wait it gets worse! There’s a company called Rebecca & Drew that makes shirts (especially button downs) according to bra size. One shirt costs $200 minimum. FOH! Even if I had a job I wouldn’t spend that on a cotton button down shirt! And so I continue to lose.
Alas, the battle isn’t just with button downs. I’ve had numerous incidents where I would try on a cute t-shirt but the message on the shirt gets distorted because the girls want to bulge out, or a dress that I couldn’t zip at the bust or…people’s dumb ass comments where they try to impart their “knowledge” on my shirt size–“Girl you need a 3XL, ha ha ha” [insert *blank stare here*].
I give up. A breast reduction is an option but you need money for that too. Plus, surgery is something to think long and seriously about.
And no, I don’t hate my breasts. (Hopefully you’re not missing that this is just a rant and I’m having a moment). We’ve had some great times together (getting free ish, not waiting in line for parties, etc) but I’m not with being Jessica Rabbit all the time and I’m really not with paying exorbitant amounts of money for my bras and barely having options of where to buy but I have no choice. It’s ridiculous what my bras cost and even more ridiculous that stores like Wal-Mart and Target refuse to carry my size! Bigger bra sizes to them are C and D (grrr!).
I can’t do anything about it (at least not now) so I’ve just learned how to deal and numb myself when I see certain shirts that I’ll never be able to wear. Don’t get it twisted, I love who I am. But I’m not happy with how much women like me are overlooked by clothing manufacturers, especially when having big boobs is all the rage. Or so I thought.
I appreciate my curves but keeping up this peace treaty with the twins (also known as Saturn and Jupiter) is hard. Women bigger than an A cup who want larger breasts are crazy. It aint’ cool to be an ironing board, but you don’t want to be the Rocky Mountains either. The grass is always greener I suppose.
Category: Reflections
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Starrene Rhett Rocque is a recovering journalist who often fantasizes about becoming a shotgun-toting B-movie heroine.Subscribe
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- uberVU - social comments | January 22, 2010
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HA! So well written!! As a sister in the struggle who also makes daily choices btwn poppin’ buttons or boring pull-overs, my sincere prayers go out to you during your time of battle. My God always provide you with enough wealth to afford the beautiful bras for your ample rack. Amen.
LMAO @ “sweater puppies”
I kinda understand. My girlfriend has the same problem. She orders all of her bras online. She does not wear button down shirts either. I’m gonna ask her to read this and she what she says.
Good luck finding a solution.
First of all, I’m diggin the upgrade. I like, I like. Second, in my defense of my quick response, I’m just gettin back into twitter so I been paying attention (perhaps my boobdar went off causing me to sign into twitter hours ago lol). Finally, in regards to the subject, perhaps you should learn to sew or find a tailor on cheap. That way, you can buy the clothes you like to fit over your tiddies (my preferred spelling) and just have them cut to fit the rest of your wonderful self. I have.. had a friend (crazy ass chick who couldn’t take rejection) who pretty much makes her own stuff (big girl). She learned to sew and that was that. Now she wears her creations (curtains to hide the michelin) and only breaks the piggy bank for shoes.
OMG Malcolm It’s hard out there for a breast pimp! Does your girl shop at figleaves.com? If not, tell her that site is the truth! Also, Lindasonline.com and thelittleflirt.com. But out of all those sites, figleaves is the best because they have monster sales!
@ATaurus – lol at “boobdar.” I do want to learn how to sew it’s just that I’m always broke when I hear of classes in my area (grrrr!!) but I’m definitely entertaining that option.
This is the greatest blog of all time….of ALL TIME!
Nah but definitely invest in a tailor like ol boy said above. Saturn and Jupiter though, hahaha
This is the breast post ever!
There’s a tailor in Bay Plaza. Asian dude between the AT&T store and Pathmark, can’t remember exactly where. My brother goes there. He mainly does suits and stuff but he’s a tailor on the cheap. Also Men’s Wearhouse right there on Bartow across from the McDonald’s has a “master” tailor on-site that’s a woman. Perhaps you can speak to her and see what she would charge. That’s who I use. Sorry about all the male-oriented tailors. It’s all I know lol. But, they’re tailors.
Starr!!! This post is the TRUTH!! I haven’t worn a button down in years!! My back is very narrow too– I’m also a 32. When I first got sized a few years ago my cup size astonished me! I was a C by 7th grade…. and it’s just been upwards ever since. I love my boobs, but sometimes I wish they would just shrink a lil on their own, lol.
LMfregginAO! Honestly, you should see your “obstacle” (which isnt but IS an obstacle i guess) into opportunity! There are millions of women out there with the same condition. I dont know whether to say beautiful condition or what obviously out of respect but ill leave it @ that. Your shoulders match your bust kinda. What im saying is….. make your own shirts. I can hook u up with a designer and fabric is cheaper than buying a shirt…make money from it. Call me mahmuh.
Plot aka Louie P. Sosa
LMfregginAO!
You can win the war! Well i would say to turn your “obstacle” into opportunity. There are MILLIONS OF WOMEN WITH THE SAME “CONDITION”. I think that your genetically made to have large breasts…your shoulders match kinda. Anyway mahmuh, turn this into opportunity, i have a designer i can link you with, and you can get fabric cheaper then a t shirt. Nothing crazy, just colors that are cut to match your BUST AND YOUR WAIST. You’ll look fly as hell in a blazer…secondly..most men would be scared to death. Call me. THE UPDATE 2 GANGSTARR GIRL IS POPPIN!!
Plot
Wow! You always look great, I had no idea dressing was such a challenge for you. I HATE shopping for the same reason – while my ta-tas are not as amply endowed as yours, I still have trouble w/ clothing b/c I have such “abnormal” proportions *le sigh* Thanks for sharing, it was a dope insight.
hmmm. I got a suggestion. maybe if http://tinyurl.com/l3g2rt
mann im almost 14 and im an A34 and sum of my frends make funn of mee dey call me AA and thts in church too infront of everyone andd i tellem at least im cute sooo u shud tell arrogant ppl like dat well unlike u i got sumtin tht wud make em stopp 🙂
i couldn’t have said it any better!!