The title of this post is ironic considering that my name is “GangStarr Girl” and that I originally started this blog as a way to showcase female talent, particularly in hip-hop. But it’s true. I’m over music. I don’t want to be but it is what it is right now. I’ve been in the entertainment industry long enough to be effectively jaded. Growing up, I was a music hoarder. I loved listening to different genres and finding tunes that made my ears swoon. I loved listening to music as I leisurely created collages filled with pictures that inspired me (they’re called vision boards these days, thanks to Oprah). I grew up when CD’s were hot in these streets and I amassed a huge collection, like, ridiculously huge. Back in high school, a performing arts high school (the Fame school) where I was a vocal major, my good friends and I couldn’t wait to go to Disc-O-Rama, Tower Records or Coconuts after school to get new music for cheap. We bought music by artists we loved, of course, but we weren’t too good to browse other sections, even the world music section to see what else was hot or what had potential.
There was a lot more inspiration for me then. And even though I always knew I’d never be a singer (however, there was a brief songwiter/producer phase) IÂ knew that my adult career would involve scouting the best musical talent. When I finally got to that place or those places, considering that I’ve work for a few online and print publications, I saw how things were run and got drained. Everything is about business, politics and relationships…not so much about talent. In addition to that, everyone thinks they have what it takes to blow, which also drives me batty because these people are validated by the fact that society has moved in a direction where being wack is culturally acceptable. Reality TV and the Internet have created a false sense of celebrity for a lot of people and a false idea of their actual skills. Success these days is more about numbers so someone could suck but if they have a following–even if a lot of that following is comprised of people with hate crushes–then they make money and get endorsed. And no one is allowed to give constructive criticism anymore because people are too sensitive. Like, beyond artists being sensitive about their shit sensitive. It’s more like, irrationally sensitive so even well thought out critiques can “ruin a relationship” because it’s seen as “hating,” a term that most people apply too liberally and often don’t even understand the true definition.
I could continue but I digress because you get the point. I got tired of the bullshit of the music game and feeling like everyone always wants something from me. I became the girl that people thought could help get them closer to getting put on. I didn’t used to mind but now I do and so I went left. I stopped focusing so much on music and finding talent and focused more on other pop culture stuff, like TV, film and travel, which I love. (Those industries are a lot more professional than music as well but I digress there too).
Yet in the process of dabbling elsewhere I started becoming a music fan again. Once I started pole dancing hardcore, I was driven by a new motivation–finding good music that I could freestyle to. And just like that, my interest in music started perking up again. I got a little less bitter about the crap out there and started finding the good again–it’s like digging for fossils but the good is there. I know a lot of talented artists. It’s out there but harder to find. This post is a random stream of conscious more for me to vent than anything so there’s no real ending. All I’m saying is that I’m still trying to rediscover that musical inspiration that I used to have because I loved that feeling. All isn’t lost. The motivation is starting to pick up again. And with that, I’ll leave you with this really cool video from Asa (pronounced “Asha”), she’s a Nigerian-British singer who is awesome. I love the lyrics of this songÂ because I have this conversation with myself a lot. Enjoy: